Asleep For Years

Posted: August 3, 2012 in Uncategorized

Last night’s dream:

It started with myself going into a sleep, willingly, and then waking up 18 years in the future. When I woke up, the scene was similar. I was in my grandparents back yard, and I went through the backdoor, and my grandpa greeted me, and he did look older. A small chihuahua ran past my feet and it was my grandma’s new dog.  Well the first part I remember was seeing my dog noel, and she was old and they were on the verge of putting her to sleep with some sort of powder that was put into water. I admit that I was scared, scared that so much time had passed and everything was so different. At some point I reached into my pocket and pulled out the little heart rock I carry with me. The little red bag it was in was nearly gone, and when I took the rock out it looked brand new. My first instinct was to call you, so I grabbed a phone and tried but your number was no longer in service. I didn’t know if Facebook was still going, being so any years into the future, but it was and when I logged in, I saw messages from about a few weeks after I went to sleep. I don’t remember what the messages were, but they were just from friends asking if I was okay and such. I went to your profile and it said you were still active and had been online recently, so I sent you a message telling you what happened to me. At one point I sat down, in the front lawn, and just thought of everything that had happened since I had been asleep. People I knew were older, and moved on with their lives and I felt forgotten.I then ended up in a truck going down Monroe, and passed a van that had “The Jade Mermaid Tattoo parlor logo” on its side. While in the truck we went off into the country, and I think my aunt was there (so it may have been Pedee) and I was constantly searching for you. And I never heard from you. I then woke up. 

 

I fell back asleep, and there was some other dream about zombies, but that first dream was more scary and it seemed like it lasted hours. I never used to remember my dreams.

Sam, If you ever read this, don’t be mad. I am just blowing of steam and venting. I need to get it out, and I am afraid that if I tell you now, that you will be pushed away even farther.

I gave you a second chance. A second chance to redeem yourself from what you did the first time. I believed that you were just jealous of what we had, and after removing you from my life for almost two months, I thought you had learned your lesson. How could my best friend, whom I have known for 7 years, go behind my back and kiss my girlfriend, and send that text to him saying things like that? I was pissed beyond one can imagine. When I saw that text, to Joe, I wanted to beat the shit out of you. I waited to talk to Sam when she got out of class, and when she did, she told me that wasn’t what happened. If we weren’t at school, I probably would have initiated a fight. I left you in the dark, with not so much as  second thought. but after a few months our close friend convinced me to talk to you. I brought you back, because I thought you had learned. I thought that my best friend would have seen that this was his second chance. Even months before we broke up, I could tell that you still liked her, but sometimes I just told myself I was being to jealous. But after what you have done to me again, you have shown me your true colors. After you told me that you care more about her than our friendship, that has shown me the kind of person you are. You are nothing, nothing but scum who hides your true face behind a perfect mask. But I now see right through it. I wish I could just tell this to her, and make her see the kind of person you are. Some part of her has to see that what you did was wrong. Some part has to see that. You jumped right in, pretending to care more about her than I did, even saying that I didn’t care, but you will never know her like I have. You haven’t been there for years, you are just a rebound. A sad rebound who jumps on the one chance with a girl. A true friend wouldn’t have done this. Even in our last messages you said that If the roles were swapped, that I would be a better man than you, and I am. I am loyal to those I care about, and you are no longer in that circle of trust. I will never make the same mistake again. So goodbye.

We got into a fight, and she went over there and I went to christians to cool off. I didn’t know that she went there  and when she finally picked me up, I asked her if she got christmas shopping done, and she said yeah, and that  she went to her spot by the river where she sits whenever she is sad. The next day I saw the text from will to Joe, saying she came over crying and such, and that they fucked…and he said he didnt feel guilty, we were at sharis when I saw it…and I didnt say anything but I showed her the text right there, and just looked at her, and she went to the bathroom and then I couldn’t eat, so I just sat there, and then waited we all went to our classes, and when mine got out and I went and waited by her class until she got out then when she did, I said we need to talk and she said ok, and we drove off campus to some neighborhood and I just said everything, and told her to explain and she started to cry a little and told me that didn’t happen but he did kiss her. So I went to philosophy and she went to her next class. I had class with him, but I sat on the other side of the room, and took the final, thanked my teacher for term, and walked out, and sam and I left him up in OC. I was so pissed that when I got back to her place i packed everything I had and we drove to my dads, and sat there and talked until we came back to her apartment, with my stuff. That was the one night that I didn’t kiss her goodnight, and faced the other direction and let her cry. I know it sounds harsh, but I was pissed beyond imagine. At one point during the night I did turn over and hold her though… she told me that’s not what happened and that they just sat outside and talked and that he kissed her. In the next few days he messaged me saying how sorry he was and such and I literally said “fuck off, lose my number”

I Love That

Posted: August 3, 2012 in Uncategorized

I love that I can be myself around you, and that I feel I don’t ever have to hide anything. When I see you, it feels like a piece of my heart has come back from the dark depths of an icy cavern. I go so long without seeing you that when I do, I have so much I want to tell you, but in so little amount of time, that I don’t know what to say. Every time I see you, you show me that you haven’t forgotten what we had, and that you still care about me in some way. The distance kills me, and makes my heart sink, but when I finally see you, it jumps right back up, and I feel happy. You don’t know this, but every night you are on my mind. I always have your heart in my pocket, and it is with me everyday and night. Last summer we used to be so compassionate and want to be in each other’s arms that we would sometimes sleep in your car. do you remember that? haha and the one night when we went to Sharis at 1 am? These are the small memories that I will not forget. You are the one person who I can recall almost every second of being with, and almost every little memory is still with me. I can’t recall how many nights I laid awake, watching you sleep, and thinking to myself “Man, how did I ever get in this position. I am so lucky” and during those times I would sometimes kiss you, and you would kiss me back in your sleep, although they were delayed sometimes, but that is what made it even more special. It made me feel so great that you could be in such a deep sleep, and without waking, you would acknowledge my presence. These little magic moments made me see that you are the one. I know sometimes you have said that “I didn’t know what I had until it was gone” but that’s not true. I have always known what I had, and I would always try to show you that.

I love that these memories still exist, and I would never wish them to be forgotten, because they are what make us, us. ❤ 

 

For You

Posted: August 2, 2012 in Uncategorized

For you I would drop anything and immediately be there.

Even after all the pain you had caused me just recently.

From the first night I held you in my arms until now I love you

We were meant to be together

 

I love everything about you

From your little indent on your nose to your ticklish spots that only I know.

Your hatred towards pickles and pepper is something that had made me laugh

I promise to always be there for you

 

Our journey has made me realize that I have found my soul mate

and that I don’t want anyone else in my life.

You are the one person who knows me best

and the one person who has ever showed me that true love comes once in a life time

You are that one love sweetheart

 

For the last couple of years, there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t thought of you.

You are always on my mind, and I know that after everything we gone through, I will be on your’s as well

I remember reliving my childhood with you when we saw the Lion King in 3D

and that was a perfect moment

 

Show me that you still care.

Show me that you love me as you have always.

I know you do, because I can see it.

It is the little things that escape through your emotions that let’s me know

 

All the memories we have shared

from the tattoos to kissing you on top of the peninsula

Our first kiss in the snow was in the dead of night, Do you remember?

Do you remember me picking you up and holding you in my arms while spinning as the snow fell upon our heads?

 

Every moment with you has shown me what I want.

The current situation has really opened up my eyes on how much I still care for you.

Every time you leave my presence I feel like just chasing after you.

People have told me that my world can not revolve only around you

But it’s not my world that does, it’s my heart.

 

For you I will always be by your side

Whenever you need me

You are my star-crossed lover, my rose, and my always..

 

For you, I will always fight.

Just show me that you are fighting too…

 

 

Forest of Despair

Posted: August 1, 2012 in Uncategorized

There was a time where you were only in my dreams.

And your quiet steps rippled across the the misty lake

I was nothing but a shadow hidden by the moon it seemed

Until the morning’s rays showed that I wasn’t opaque

Upon the dewy grass I have always waited

For that one chance to open my heart

After years of patience it was finally fated

And when we finally touched out jumped a spark

Like the moonchild you came down before me

With eyes more natural than the ageless trees

A voice more beautiful than those of the muses

It was you who had set me free

I see now that I wander the Forest of Despair

Where it is always cold, dark, and full of confusion

The wind whispers it’s thoughts to all who are lost

Until through the thorns you find the overgrown path

Following the edge of gold

I see that those who wander are not always lost

The flame within has yet been told

Holding onto you is how I have fought

Before me is the opening

Flickers of light pierce through the veil

Away from the outside world I was coping

Afraid that this would be the end of our tale

I see now that I wander the Forest of Despair

Where it is always cold, dark, and full of confusion

The wind whispers it’s thoughts to all who are lost

Until through the thorns you find the overgrown path

Like Orpheus my eye almost strayed

But looking back would only open old wounds and bring more pain

The forest does have a certain story of how it was made

But the past can not be changed and it already has it’s name

I grip your warm hands behind me

and together we walk into the light

Once into the new world I toss the forest’s key

and into the mysterious ocean it is gone from sight

The Forest of Despair is no more

The Electric Kiss

Posted: August 1, 2012 in Uncategorized

Your smile has brought me back

From the overcasting seas of pain

Just looking upon your eyes once more

Makes me feel like this wasn’t in vein

 

A true friend through thick and thin

The superior force that one cannot stop

Lost in the maze of Daedalus I was

Using the twine it was me you sought

 

The Electric Kiss has been reignited

Sparks of passion live again

Memories of new and old are risen

But the touch of your skin is all I need

 

The static between us is strong

Like the many heroes of Greek

Our love is like a bard’s melody that isn’t gone

And it is you whom I always seek

 

For you I would march till the end of my days

And jump the tops of floating mountains

You are forever my secret craze

Just meet me at the dream fountain

 

The Electric Kiss has been reignited

Sparks of passion live again

Memories of new and old are risen

But the touch of your skin is all I need

 

To my beautiful princess

Who to me is the fairest of them all

Yes our journey has reached a certain mess

But that doesn’t mean we shall fall

 

Like a butterfly you flutter

and dance with the sharp wind

I will give you all the strength I can muster

Just to hold you in my arms again

 

The Electric Kiss has been reignited

Sparks of passion live again

Memories of new and old are risen

But the touch of your skin is all I need

For the Electric Kiss does not fail

 

 

Writing In The Dead Of Night

Posted: July 29, 2012 in Uncategorized

This is from when she had a pain in her side and I wrote this that night when we were finally able to go to bed

Today I watched my baby cry. I carried her into the hospital while she was in so much pain. Seeing the girl of my dreams in this state just makes me want to cy, but I can’t because I have to show her that I’m strong. Strong enough to be there for her, Strong enough to be her king. We got back a little bit ago, and now she is sleeping by my side. So peaceful, as if everything that has been worrying her has past. I wonder if she has ever wrote to me? In the dead of night when silence is the only thing in our presence. We haven’t been on our journey long, but I know that she will always be here for me. This is the girl I want to marry, my best friend, and the one person I can tell anything to. I hope that our future is full of laughter and happiness, and if we ever get to the point of breaking up, fight for her. Don’t let her get away, she is the one thing in life that has ever made you feel this way. If you feel like giving up, don’t. She will always love you. You have waited for this chance for years.

Sam, I love you. I hated seeing you like this today, and I hope the pain is gone now. I will always take care of you, with whatever you are facing. Thank you for always being here for me.